ar....gout or whatever shit for 2 month +....ah....
ife sucks..when will it ever be cured??whenever
it seems like recovering...it got swollen again...
time and time and again my spirit..my will to
carry on...my will to fight got weaker and
weaker....John, thanks for helping out with my
standby.Ritchie, thanks for all the emotional
support...if not i would have broken down...a lot
of things about my feet i dint reallysay...it will be
a secret...til i tell someone...haiz....how am i
going to end this?it is said in my divination tat i
prayed for in a temple:
Just like a sparrow trying to build its nest with mud
with the rain and wind, it never succeed,
finally the uncompleted nest was blown and washed
away by the rain and wind

it says tat no matter what i do i will be doing in vain
for my feet..haizzz....still i struggle with my feet....
with Mr Boogey putting salt in my wound...i feel so
sad tat day..and angry of course...Sometimes i feel
so sad for John...having suffered because of me....
if i dont have standby....haizzz i wouldn't have to
worry so much...worry about who is going to take
over me in standby..worry about wat if it come back
again..worry about whether will i downgrade...
whether i can return john the standby...i feel that i
had brought everyone down...if only i am not in
their life they could be happier..but how can i do it?
How can that happen??...everything changed from
28th Nov 2003........
sometimes i wonder what will happen if Bolun were
still around i can be sure that life in camp would not
turn out this way...ar......life sucks...!?!...How can i
be happy??i have never been happy since New Year
2004...Am i still a human??How can that be??How
can a person so young be so unhappy??People at my
age should be happy and enjoying life with all the
food and friends around...Y ME!!!AR!!Life is so crappy
...arghh....even the doc i visited said that he dont
have confident of curing me.How can a person be so
suay?How can the same person applying for a busary
and i cant get it when i had a better result?How can
the same person applying for jc with the same score
and yet i dun get in??How can i lost my specs in
Thailand when all the others dont?I am just so suay...