I am actually surprised that people are
reading my blog...hmmm...if anyone had read
the earlier entry I don't expect people to
read my blog...anyway...

*/Some thoughts I had over the week:
There is a difference between a true
brotherly bond and merely a friendly bond.

My brother never gets bored about my
indecisive nagging, but friends do.
My brother always gives consolation no
matter how many time I complained to him.
My brother will always walk/stand by me no
matter what happen.*/

A very interesting week indeed...

So generally i can almost go home everyday
except Monday so i had 3 night off and a
long weekend. This Wednesday i had a M.A.
and i wene to AH.The doctor said that i had
some arthritis called ankylosing spondylitis
which is caused by the gene that is in me, so
she gave me a very expensive medication that
cost almost $2 a pill and guess wat I dun
even pay a single cent haha.After the incident
last week i am seriously considering
downgrading as a option to relieve everyone.It
was a disheartening feeling that i had that
made me think of this.Also some people in
camp,SOC,IPPT and some other i could not think
of now.At the same time there are also factors
that are affecting me not to downgrade for
example, my friends in the platoon, the
reluctant to adapted to changes, the money and
many more.Still i am hestitating...cause
sometimes i just don't feel that i am in the
right place this is indeed a fresh feeling
that I never had before in my stay in 21SA.So
should i fight for downgrade?

So the war had been declared.....
This week I had 3 battles and I should suppose
I had won 2 which is a pretty good result to me.
So let see my opponents are BSO, BWO and MR BSO
(busy stupid origami).Initially I wanted to rest
till my feets fully recover before I do any
standby,like my friend Herbert says "it is time
to think about yourself".I had this selfish
thought over the week...I will not say it for
some would think that I am a "selfish bastard".
I would not think that this is a bad thought
but definitely others will not share the same
feeling...

Thursday, BSO wanted me to help out John to do
the standby while The Boogeyman is out in
Thailand. So i agreed..but this is not the end,
he later state that he wanted me to do on all the
weekend(3) which means i would not have to go
home for one month!Of course I reject his request
!He told me to come out with a schedule on John's
absence.I would not do such despicable act and
said that I cannot come out with a schedule,
then he was pissed and demanded the reason.So I
told him that i am unsure of my condition as it
can worsen as and when it like even when i am on
medication.Then becoming more pissed he threaten
me and asked me whether the MO is sure of my
condition.So we are all pissed since he did this
...I should also show no mercy..i told him that
the MO also cannot be sure..then he stupidly said
if I cannot be sure and MO cannot be sure then
who can be sure??So I conveniently said that
because I am unsure that is why I dun want to take
the risk fearing that something could happen...so
in the end he gave way and called BWO for help...

Today, I went over to Workshop to negotiate the
schedule for standby during the Crescendo period..
The BWO blatenly cheated me as i thought that they
are going to take the standby week by week.So I
suggested that we need help on 1st June to 15th
June..in the end the plan was such that even
during these difficult period John will still have
to do standby..So I told them that we need the
whole week off all the way till 6th but he only
provide his men till the 5th. He wants john to come
back on Sunday morning to do the standby which is
like directly after his SAT2.Now I am negotiating
for someone that is going to take a test that might
affect his future so i would not want to feel
guilty, if i can do something to help out the
situation.So I initiated that we need the 6th..but
he still refuse to give in..in the end Zon helped
out by volunteering to do the 6th standby(i was
looking damn pissed at that time)Zon if you are out
there reading this blog(which is probably wouldn't
happen)I appreciate that..somehow I have this
feeling that some seems like acting in front of me
during the negotiation.Also I felt like a political
tool used by BSO to save some of his face...

So there I am returning to my duty signaller desk
when Sergeant Lee request people to dismount set.I
arrowed Abel and asked him to find another 3 person
to dismount set after 20 minutes...he never came...
so I went over to SA office myself to tell Abel to
dismount set stating that I cannot call the others
as they also will complaint about such unfairness
as they had done everything the whole of last week.
So this MR BSO went over to the Signal Office,
shouted at Jinrui as if he is the boss and
commanded Jinrui to dismount the set(what does that
got to do with him?I did not call him).I stood up
and he also request that SK should also help out in
the job.I am very pissed at him for shouting at Jin
Rui in the office and commanded SK to come down.He
merely gave simple reasons that THEY had done a lot
already and that sergeant Tham was their withness.
So what could I say?I could not think of other
things other than to give in.But after he left I
had the thought of complaining to BSO that I am
mistreated in the platoon by MR BSO that he put me
as Duty Signaller twice on night off day for 3month.
And that what right has he to complaint giving the
fact that he had not burn a weekend and that even I
on status also burn 1000000% more weekend than him.
He, I would say is a selfish bastard that pushes all
the Saikang to his friend while he enjoy his weekend
and that he only done a few job that was out of
office hour had complained so much.So what about
those on standby?So people in signal platoon men or
specialist if you know who I am refering to it is
up to you to believe.I would say that only people
that are stupid enough to tag around and in the end
get stab(luckily I was never those people).Now that
things had turn ugly, I should not try to hide the
fact that it was him that had gotten me the schedule
to do both New Year and Chinese New Year standby
initially when I still regard him as my friend.
Way before that he just happily seed my name on the
Vesak Day guard duty list and ignore it when it was
his turn to do the duty.He just bluff his way
through...at first I said I would forgive him
thinking that he is not doing it on purpose..but
after what had happen I would not think so saintly
of him and that his apology is just another scam to
appease the people around him and to make more
available victim.To think that I really thought he
was sincere about being sorry.
People around him had to be caution of what might
happen for you might be the next victim(hint:i am not
the first).


Ok so much for that inconsiderate asshole...

I remembered that Ritchie was very pissed at
someone who did not inform him of what he is
to do when he gets back to camp after a
long break.It happened to me when I return
from Att C and hospitalisation. No one told
me of the changes going on in the platoon
and that no one actually had the thought of
telling me what i should do the first day i
came back to camp for example drawing arms
and cleaning them for inspection which to me
is very important for I could end up losing
a weekend!For a moment I felt I am not part
of the platoon anymore..

I remembered that i walked the slowest in
Chinatown keeping that aside, my feet is
still swollen...no correct medicine was
given so far...this 2 week was a really
eventful one...there is sorrow(mostly) as
well as happiness...

Today i must really thank Vicknesh and
Wilson.BSM came to the office demanded
that my bunk that contain only 4 person to
be disperse...and that really shocked me and
JinRui who was also in the office.We really
wanted to stay in the bunk and to me it had
almost all the happiness i had in my entire
NS life and i really treasure it.Life together
that bunk was a mess bunk and that when Bolun
was still around..i could almost feel that
atmosphere whenever i book in..although time
had passed and most went over to battery line
while Bolun was spiritually with us now.I was
very reluctant and felt really helpless cause
could do nothing about it except that i just
hope that our bunk mate could stay together
despite the politics we had in the platoon...
Then came Vicknesh and Wilson.Wilson was acting
under the order of the BSM while Vicknesh was
(ar!my hearts hurts)the duty signaller
(wa kaozz bursting).Vicknesh was the first one
to notice that there is actually another bunk
with only 2 person in it(the one opp. to our
bunk). And with that Wilson volunteered to tell
staff and BSM about it risking the danger of
being scolded by both of them. In the end they
dint scold him(or maybe i was a bit too paranoid).
I am really thankful to them both!But however we
tried our best to retain our bunk, the final
decision still fall on the (fat bastard)BSM..

Last week on the Alpha standby was done by John
and this week by ZhenHao aka The Boogey man. This
is due to the inability of me to do the standby
due to the medicine i took and the vital parts
affected needed for driving...They both
complained to me that they could not take the
pressure anymore..but still what could I do..I
don't know what to do or rather what I can do to
help them. Already i tried my best to do some even
with my swollen feet so that they could have some
incentives that i might not even have in my NS life.
Sad as I always was since New Year(i believe they
feel the same too),I went to BSO for help as
instructed by John.Today he mentioned to me that
there is a sub for me..(lets hope it is not John).
The Boogey Man asked me how am I going to return
the favour and said that each exercise should be
considered as 3 standby.I felt lost of word and
pissed at the same time.I mean how am i suppose to
answer when i dont even know how fatal my illness
is? Although the doctor did not says that i had a
very serious illness i was prepared to accept any
undesiredoutcome. I might not even had the chance
to return all the favour especially to John.

I watched Troy and Van Helsing this week, both are
great movies and definitely worth the money though
i watch Troy feeling less pissed than when i watched
Van Helsing.

Promises that are made should be acknowledge and
i am especially pissed off when people break their
promise to me after making another promise to
another person. It is because promise make me hope
and look forward to something and that it is broken
for a wrong reason.Van Helsing was almost a
nightmare for me, but luckily i managed to throw
away any unhappiness that could had cost me $6.50
and enjoyed the movie.

Many a time someone "jio" me to do something which I
know nothing about. I would of course ask a lot of
question when I don't know what is going on and
obviously that person that asked me out should be
the one answering the questions. Well simply if
anyone is not prepared to be questioned, then he/she
should not ask friends to do thing that friends
totally do not know what is going on. It is
especially irritating for me when someone asked me to
do something together and when question of what is
going on, he/she replied me with a irritated tone
which suggest that I should know what is going on
which i do not.If not prepared to be questioned why
should you asked people to do thing that they totally
don't know or had not done before? Of course they
will ask question!If not prepared to answer you might
as well don't ask them to do that thing!For example,
someone asked me to a well known restaurant to enjoy
the red wine which i totally do not know how to
appreciate and I asked a few question and as if being
interrupted answered with a pissed tone.And who is
the expert here?If not prepared to answer question
posted then how am i going to appreciate what i am
doing now?I might as well don't go for this outing as
i will not know what is going on!

The same theory goes..Going out together as promised,
we should keep each accompany and that we should be
walking as a group.
I could not bear the feeling of being left
behind after being asked to go out together. Obvious
to everyone in the unit and even the cook house food
caterer that I had difficulty walking even with pain
killer as i am walking and standing almost on one leg
It is very clear cut that i will be walking slower
and will be tired out very quickly even with the
training for 3+ month. Pain was especially great at
night due to the lousy painkiller i take during
morning and afternoon. That day i was almost going
out with the thoughtful YanMing instead as i was
being left behind. There i am sweating profusiouly
and struggling to catch up with them while YanMing
Chatted with me keeping each other accompany. When we
came back, we bought some stuff back and i walked in
front about 10-15m ahead so that i will not be left
too way back.But not long after they catch with me
and again they throw me behind before we reach road to
the camp gate(this is a proof that they are really
going very fast). We entering camp together. I was
Half way there when they were almost there(we were
>50m away from each other)...sawing a familiar face
looking back, i thought that they might just wait for
me...they continued...again i struggled back and i
was sweating a lot more than usual comparable to the
day i rush to camp thinking i am going to awol...
Another morning i experience similar situation that
that i was really PISSED off and angry for my leg was
terribly painful though it is my fault.Even friends
came upon to help me when I am limping in a ugly
manner.

Angry as i am i try not to let it affect whatever
decision that i am going to make in the near future.

Sometimes as my feet continues to swell, as i
continued to limp, as people in the unit keep looking
at me with a strange body percing eye sight, i could
felt what they are thinking and makes me wonders
whether the people feel the same way that i am "chao
geng". Though i constantly reminded myself that
knowing that i was not trying to fake was a more than
sufficient reason to convince myself not to bother
about what and how people feels, it is very hard to
live in such a environment.So now i am really not
resisting the idea of downgrading if there is really
a need.

Lastly i went to Holland Village together with
KhengHui and Ritchie after booking out. We went to
eat at Subway which i totally do not know of.And i
was amused the whole night by the expression of the
staff there.When asked whether what sauce i wanted to
add to my bread, I was at a lost as i dont know
whether need to pay extra money..So desperately i
answer "no thanks". The ger was aghast by what i said
and recommended me a sauce.Then i realised that it is
part of the meal...We then went on to eat supper and
as we search I got more and more full...in the end
only Khenghui ordered a prata..I was a bit remorseful
this incident..i shall not elaborate but sorry
KhengHui..really sorry hope you can accept my apology
haizz...

Today, i wake up thinking that my right leg
is gone....damn....
I was aching all over my body that I refuse
to wake up...the lower part of my knee is
so painful that i tot my menicus had
dissappeared....my whole feet was really
"Black" under the poor lighting in my house
Then, i ate some painkiller...single dose.....
The past few days the gastric is so bad that
i cannot continue with the other dose of pain-
killer...so no choice i had to make use with
only one dose....
I wake up everyday with fear that i might not
live the next....I am scared...never so scared
before...everyday i wake up i fear i cannot
walk....
I sleep every night having in mind that the
next day my leg will be more painful
Now i have one more thing to fear.....
Today, i also went out with Kheng Hui , john
and Ritchie. We went around ChinaTown and
eat all the delicacy and eat all we can haha..
It was one of the few times that i went to
ChinaTown and that going with friends and
family is really a different experience...but still
i walked the slowest there...making me a burden
to them...